I appear to have stumbled into some kind of medieval fantasy parallel world, and I for one am a big fan of it.

La Bigorne in Chauvigny is a creperie with the kind of interior design that would put a renaissance fair to shame. Located in the medieval town of Chauvigny, about 20km from Poitiers, La Bigorne hosts an Irish music session once a month, which is how I ended up there: not as an audience member, but as a part of the band!

The evening started with meeting up with Bernard, who was our driver (and one of the session’s violinists) for the evening. Setting out on the road to Chauvigny felt like a real adventure with all our instruments in the back of Bernard’s minivan and an enormous harvest moon making its way into the sky. The town itself is beautiful, even under cover of darkness. We made our way from the minivan to our venue – the creperie – and Jean-Phillipe pointed out the little square in which it sat. In the summertimes, we play outside here in the square, he said. I thought of how beautiful that must be.

There were several musicians I hadn’t met before, all of whom were wonderfully warm and welcoming. There’s a mix of nationalities: French, Irish, English, American, Dutch, and so we speak in a mix of French and English (Le Franglais), different accents and languages bouncing across the table. La Bigorne had very kindly offered us a deal on our food for the evening where we would only have to pay for our galette and all our drinks, coffees and desserts would be on the house in exchange for our music! As a student I don’t eat out a whole lot, so I was very excited to be having a meal out. I ordered the galette du jour, which was absolutely delicious (and also my first galette ever!). Here’s what was in it:

I really do think I get one of the better ends of the deal here: I really only sing whereas every other member of the group plays at least one instrument with incredible mastery, and most of them play more than two. This makes me feel a bit self conscious, certainly, considering that I probably only contribute to the group about 1/5 as much as everyone else. It really makes me even more grateful to be included, but also more aware of my mess-ups when I make them.

The first song I sang was Red Is The Rose with David, who has an absolutely gorgeous singing voice (and is a master on the guitar). It was our first time meeting this evening, but there is something about singing together that bridges the gap between strangers, between generations. Also, this whole adventure with the Irish music group has really made me want to pick my violin up again after a decade of giving it up. I’m looking forward to getting home for Christmas to see how picking it up again goes (sorry to my family in advance!)

We played (well, I didn’t, but I like to think my percussing on the table contributed at least somewhat) for hours, from 7 right on til midnight. At one point I started singing Green Grow The Rashes Oh, a Robert Burns song. I went so off tune about 30 seconds in that I just had to stop and apologise. Everyone was lovely, but it didn’t stop the hot tears of shame from welling up in my eyes (and one of them spilled out but I’m hoping that no one noticed).

I can’t stand to let people down, and I am acutely aware of my failures when I sing, having been asked to be quiet whenever I would sing when I was a kid (we had a small house and my brother didn’t like me singing, so now I tend not to sing in front of people unless I’m really comfortable with them). I had to take some time to remind myself that I am no longer that 13 year old kid with undiagnosed autism and a crippling fear of public perception. I am now a 25 year old with diagnosed autism and a slightly less crippling fear of public perception! Yay!

My redemption came towards the end of the evening, when Jean-Phillipe very kindly asked if I’d like to sing anything else. I sang Green Fields of France, which I hadn’t sung in a while but I did perform at an open mic night for Ukraine in Oxford a few years ago. A few other people knew the song and joined in on the chorus, which made me feel less naked in my lone voice. There is safety in numbers when singing, I feel. The rest of the band and the customers were a fan of that one, and so, it seemed, were the people running the creperie! At the end of the evening they let Henjo and I (we are the two youngest people in the group) eat for free: no charge even on the galette! They said it was because they liked our songs (Henjo also sings, and has a great voice). It was very sweet of them indeed.

Full of galette, hot chocolates (I don’t drink alcohol, so they were my beverage of the evening) and a warm glow of happiness from being a part of something, we set off on the journey home to Poitiers. The moon was high in the sky by now, and I was half asleep by the time we arrived. I felt a bit like a kid again, on the drive home after an evening out, and by the time I got back to mine I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for being accepted as a part of something that brings me so much joy. The next performance in Chauvigny is next week, but I won’t be there as I have already made plans for a long weekend in Paris with some of my new friends here. It’s a shame, but I am so glad to be here for the whole year rather than just one semester as I’ll be able to come back to the group in January.

I suppose this has all been just a bit of a diary dump rather than a well written piece about life here, but I wanted to write about it. It was a wonderful evening, and I am so very very glad to have been included in it.

À bientôt,

Iona xx